True love cannot be confused with anything. It appears at first sight and lasts a lifetime. And the main goal of every person is to find their soul mate. After all, this is true happiness. All of these statements are part of the myth of romantic love. We understand where it came from and how it can harm.
Where did the idea of romantic love come from?
The ancient Greeks believed that love is divided into several types. One of them is Eros, or sensual passion. This is a strong, uncontrollable feeling that falls on a person like an avalanche. He was represented as a playful boy with a bow, from which no one can hide.
In the same period, a myth appeared that lovers are two separated halves. Plato in the dialogue "Feast" wrote about androgynes - bisexual creatures who, with their strength and perfection, encroached on the power of the gods. As punishment, the gods cut them into two parts and scattered them around the world. And now people are looking for their halves in order to become whole again and find happiness.
In the same work, Plato described ideal, purely spiritual love as a desire for higher beauty. In the 11th century, the courtly love of knights for their ladies grew out of the idea of so-called platonic love. Gradually, a set of rules arose that the knights had to follow. The medieval author Andrei Chaplain wrote in his treatise “On Love” that true love is often forbidden, because the lady of the heart is higher in status and usually married. The beloved of a knight embodies the ideal of femininity, she is beautiful in body and soul and always beautifully dressed. The knight is allowed to valiantly serve his lady and dedicate songs and deeds to her.
The myth of romantic love was finally formed in the era of romanticism, at the end of the 18th and beginning of the 19th centuries. According to him, true love can overcome any obstacles. She is the meaning of life. Moreover, without love, happiness is impossible. And love is impossible without suffering, through which a person is purified and reveals all the best qualities in himself.
Romantic love was sung by poets and writers - Byron, Shelley, Zhukovsky and others. The idea was entrenched in the literature and formed the basis of cultural attitudes that are still in effect.
Why the idea of romantic love is not losing popularity
Gender socialization is the process by which children learn the norms of behavior associated with their gender. By the age of three, the child understands who he is - a girl or a boy. And he tries to be like people of his gender and meet the expectations of society.
Female gender socialization in particular reinforces the myth of romantic love. Girls are taught that they should be beautiful and feminine - remember the knightly "ladies of the heart." A girl should always be clean and tidy. She cannot show anger and be too proactive - this does not fit into the image of an "unearthly creature."
Commercial business interests
Romantic love is an effective sales engine. Courtship, or the so-called candy-bouquet period, requires investment. According to a survey, 22% of men believe that the best way to express love is to buy flowers. Another 18% show feelings by giving gifts.
In 2022, Americans spent nearly $24 billion to celebrate the most romantic day of the year, February 14th. 51% of respondents also consider Valentine's Day a good opportunity to show love and please their partner with a gift.
Another beneficiary of the romantic love myth is the beauty industry. According to a 2021 survey, almost a third of men value the most in women external beauty and attractiveness. And women are willing to spend money on it. Coloring eyebrows, eyelash extensions, doing painful hair removal and tattooing, spending hours at the hairdresser or manicurist.
What is the harm of the myth of romantic love
Denying that other areas of life are important too
The myth of romantic love suggests that the purpose of a woman's life is a relationship. A woman took place only if she is married. Otherwise, she allegedly cannot achieve happiness. Career success, exciting hobbies and relationships with friends cannot replace the so-called female happiness.
Interestingly, there is no special “male happiness”. For men, romance is just one area of life, not necessarily the most important.
The initiator of the relationship can be one of the partners who has a more decisive and daring character. And to move to a new level, the most effective thing is to honestly talk about it with your loved one.
Stereotypical perception of men and women
In the concept of romantic love, the roles of men and women are clearly defined. She should be beautiful, gentle, flirtatious. He is courageous, determined and romantic.
As a result, the myth of romantic love causes men and women to be divided into two groups. Communicate from the position of roles and not see a person behind them. A man is a hunter, and a woman is a reward, a prey to be obtained. And prey is not a person. And interest in it disappears when the goal is achieved.
What is really
People have many more qualities than "femininity" and "masculinity". If you stop playing imposed roles, and become yourself, this will make the relationship more honest. Firstly, it will allow you to express yourself without looking back at the stereotypical gender image. And secondly, it will help to perceive a partner as a living person. To see in him his true qualities, and not the mythological "masculinity". As a result, relationships will become more sincere, strong and healthy.
Ijaz khan
매그너스9
Juliantes