Essential skills for creating healthy relationships

Psychologist Joan Davila of Stony Brook University in New York and her colleagues are studying romantic competence. It is the ability to effectively navigate all stages of a relationship: understanding your needs, choosing the right partner, building strong bonds, and ending unhealthy interactions. After analyzing the research, VeronikaLove team identified three key skills of romantic competence. So this will definitely come in handy when meeting and communicating with beautiful and incredible ladies on our website.

Analyze and draw conclusions
Analyzing the situation allows us to understand what is happening to us and learn a lesson for ourselves. With its help, we better understand ourselves, our needs and desires, the reasons for our actions.

Let's say you've been constantly annoyed with your partner lately. If you analyze the situation, you will be able to notice that it is not his behavior that is the issue, you are simply under serious stress at work. This means that now you need not to quarrel, but to find a way to relax so that work tension does not spill over into your personal life.

Develop this skill to anticipate the positive and negative consequences of your actions, understand your partner and respond appropriately to his actions. For example, you agreed on a meeting, but he is late. Before you take it as a personal insult, think about the reasons. Maybe this person constantly struggles with timing or stays late at work to get things done. The skill of analysis will protect you from unnecessary worries.

Recognize your own and others' needs
You need to remember that you both have needs and they are all important. Learn to speak clearly about your own and listen to others. Then there will be a greater chance that both of you will be satisfied. Let's say you need to meet relatives with whom you have a tense relationship, and you want your partner to go with you. Don’t expect your loved one to guess; say directly: “This will be a lot of stress for me. It would help me a lot if you were nearby. Can you come with me?

In addition, this skill helps make joint decisions. For example, one of you received a good offer for a promotion, but understands that you will have to work more and spend less time with your family, and the latter is very important for both of you. In this case, it is important to say something about it, for example: “I would really like to accept this offer, but I understand that it will change our life together. We will spend less time together. If I promise to regularly devote part of my time to you, will you support my choice?”

Remember, when you value each other's needs and don't hesitate to talk about them, there will be fewer quarrels and misunderstandings.

Regulate emotions
This skill helps to remain calm in stressful situations and soberly assess the situation. For example, you are waiting for your partner to respond to your message. Time passes, and he remains silent. You start to get nervous, angry, and check your phone every minute. But if you have learned to regulate your emotions, you will tell yourself: “Calm down, they will answer you. There's no point in looking at your phone every five seconds. I’ll put it aside and get on with other things.”

The ability to cope with emotions is generally useful in any relationship. It helps you overcome unpleasant feelings while maintaining self-respect.

Romantic competence seems like hard work, but the benefits are enormous. According to Davila, more romantically competent men and women feel more confident in relationships. They make better choices, are more supportive of their partners, and are more willing to ask for what they need.