What is more important for building long-term relationships in a couple - good mutual understanding, or interest in each other? What to do if you understand each other perfectly for a long time, but the person himself is no longer interesting to you? And together it’s bad, and it’s a pity to part ...
One fact of mutual understanding is not enough. You can even understand your socionic conflictor if you live with him for 10 years. But will there be a desire to continue a relationship with him?
Having mastered socionics, understanding people, you can learn to understand anyone. But to be happy in a relationship is determined not by the sociotype, but by ... Interest. Are we interested in each other as individuals? In other words, are we good together?
Well, we can learn to understand everything in general. This is the meaning of psychology - to learn to Understand.
A good psychologist is able to overcome the barrier of misunderstanding with any person. But will he, as a person, want to build relationships with everyone he understands? Most likely, he will choose his narrow circle of people and a partner according to other criteria.
The interestingness of a person seems to us a more significant factor than Understanding. But Understanding, after all, is also very important. Because we are more likely to love what we can understand.
On the one hand: why maintain an interesting but incomprehensible relationship?
On the other hand: why maintain an uninteresting but understandable relationship?
What is more important: to build relationships with an interesting person, or with someone with whom you have more understanding?
Due to the fact that Understanding does not add Interestingness (colors, life) in relationships, and Interestingness does not add Understanding (empathy, feelings of non-loneliness) - these are two equally important parallels. People need interesting and understandable relationships. This is balance.
With patience, anyone can be understood. But the interest of a person can not be increased in any way. You are either interested (good, bright, rich, meaningful) together, or not. Understanding is an evolving thing. Curiosity is an undeveloped thing.
As a result, socionics can teach us to understand everyone - both duals and conflictors. And we can be interesting only with our own people. Yes, often, we are interested in people of our quadra. But Interestingness is measured by those indicators that socionics is not able to measure.
Interestingness is a load of factors. From the smell of a person's body, to his intellect, desire to develop, interests, hobbies, goals and life mission. And here it either attracts or does not attract.
And when we, for a while, lose Interest in a person, a difficult period helps us to overcome Understanding. And when we lose Understanding, it is Interest that helps to regain it.
Understanding is achieved when you master the mechanism of thinking of another person. It's simple, it's mechanics. Even without socionics, you will reach understanding with anyone if you communicate long and fruitfully.
As a result, socionics tells us: understanding is most among people of their element (kvadra). But with a patient study of psychotypes, it is achieved with anyone. Interest, often, also arises within one's quadra. But Interest in a person does not directly depend on his sociotype - he either comes or does not come, regardless of our efforts.
CONCLUSIONS
In summary, it seems to me that Interest is a more important factor in a relationship than Understanding. Because Interest in a person cannot be controlled. And the ability to understand people can be developed.
I would rank them roughly like this:
- Interest: 60%
- Understanding: 40%
If you are at the stage of choosing a partner, socionics in this matter is still relevant. Because, as in the case of Interest and Understanding, both of these indicators will initially be higher among people of the same element.
Don't be satisfied with mere mutual understanding. Look for yours! Truly theirs.
Ijaz khan
매그너스9
Juliantes