Tips on how to have a good, healthy relationship.

We all want to have healthy relationships, but most of us have never been taught what that really means. Here are our top tips on how to have a good, healthy relationship. The main thing is to be sociable and active.

Do what you did the first year you dated.
As the months and years go by, we tend to squeeze into our proverbial sweatpants and get lazy in our relationships. We are losing our patience, gentleness, mindfulness, understanding, and overall effort that we once made with our partner. Think back to the first year of your relationship and write down everything you did for your partner. Now start doing it again.

Ask for what you want.
Over time, we assume that our partner knows us so well that we don't have to ask for what we want. What happens when we make this assumption? Expectations are set and just as quickly they are lowered. These unmet expectations may make us question the viability of our partnership and bond.

Become an expert on your partner.
Think about who your partner really is and what turns them on, both physically and emotionally. We can get carried away with what we think others want instead of tuning in to what really resonates with them. Remember that if it's important to your partner, it doesn't have to be meaningful to you. You just have to do it.

Ask questions other than "How was your day?"
At the end of a long day, we tend to mentally review our lives and therefore our relationships. We rely on the standard question: "How was your day?" But because we hear this question so often, many of us will reflexively simply answer with a minimal, “Okay. How was it with you? It won't improve your connection in any way and may actually hurt it because you lose the ability to communicate regularly in small ways.

If your initial question is "How was your day?" didn't spark a lot of conversation, try asking more creative follow-up questions: "What made you smile today?" or “What was the hardest part of your day?” You will be amazed at the answers you get, with the added benefit of gaining a deeper understanding of your significant other.

Create a weekly ritual of communicating with each other.
It can be short or long, but it starts with you asking each other what worked and what didn't work the previous week and what can be done to make things better next week. Also, take this opportunity to review your schedule, plan a date night, and talk about what you would like to see in your relationship in the coming days, weeks, and months. Without an appointment for a temperature check, unmet needs and resentments can accumulate.

Get creative with the time you spend together.
Break out of your dinner-and-movie routine and see how a little novelty can really rejuvenate your relationship. On a budget and can't go big? Go online to search for "cheap date ideas" and you'll be amazed at the many options. Can't afford a babysitter? Try swapping babysitting times with friends who have kids. It's free and they'll probably be happy to take your kids in because they'll get an advantage when they leave their kids with you.

Take a (mental) vacation every day.
The distractions of life and work can become paramount in our minds, and this leaves little time or energy for our partner. Practice the art of "wearing the relationship hat." This means that, barring any emergencies or deadlines, we are fully present when we are with our partner. We actually hear what they are saying (instead of pretending to listen), we leave our distractions behind and don't come back to them until the sun is up and we're out the door.

Take “fight breaks” when you need them.
When conflicts inevitably arise, remember to approach them thoughtfully and with great kindness to your partner and to yourself. If you see stress starting to build up while talking about a conflict, one or both of you can take a break to allow cooler heads to take over. The essence of this tool is that you have to choose a specific time to talk again (for example, after 10 minutes, 2 pm on Tuesday, etc.) so that you can end the conversation.

When conflict arises, dig deep to discover your true feelings.
In most disagreements, we communicate from the “higher level”, which is the obvious emotion, such as anger, annoyance, and the like. Leadership from here can create confusion and a defensive stance, and it can end up distracting from the real problem. Start communication from the "bottom layer", that is, from the feelings that really drive your reactions, such as disappointment, rejection, loneliness or disrespect.

Seek to understand, not to agree.
Easy in concept, difficult in application. Conversations quickly turn into arguments when we are interested in hearing our partner admit that we were right, or when we intend to change their mind. Approach the conversation as an opportunity to understand the point of view of your significant other, rather than waiting for him to give in. From this point of view, we have an interesting dialogue and we prevent relapse or long-term disappointment.

Make sure your apology is accepted.
Everyone knows that apologies are good, but they only have a real impact when you mean it. Saying things like "I'm sorry you think that way", "I'm sorry you see it that way" or "I'm sorry I upset you" is a waste of time and effort. Even if you don't agree that what you did was wrong, you can never successfully challenge the feeling.

Accept that your partner feels offended.
From here, a real apology can have a significant impact. When you love your partner and hurt them (intentionally or not), you can always legitimately apologize for the pain you caused, regardless of your point of view on what you did or didn't do.

You are now officially armed with a comprehensive guide on how to build healthy relationships.