The paradox of passion: why in a relationship one partner always loves more. Part One.

And immediately good news from the VeronikaLove! team:
it is possible to correct the imbalance in the pair. The main thing is that both of them want it.

What is the problem?
People who are in a relationship very often fall into the trap of passion. It occurs when one partner is emotionally invested in a relationship more than the other. Moreover, the dependence becomes reverse: the more the first partner loves, the less the second.

The more loving partner is in the weak position, and the less loving partner is in the strong position.

Why does one partner become strong and the other weak?
One of the partners takes a position of weakness when he is afraid of being rejected. Usually at the beginning of a relationship, both of them experience such feelings. But the weaker ones try harder to please: preen, give expensive gifts, arrange surprises, strive to please, are actively interested in everything that the partner is interested in. Their goal is to gain emotional power over the other half.

And if they succeed, then the roles change: a strong partner falls in love more and becomes weaker himself. And the one who was initially weak becomes strong, because there is no one to win and his passion begins to fade.

Is there a passion trap in every relationship?
Relationships are not static, but dynamic. They are constantly changing, which means that there is a risk of falling into a trap. The first sensations of falling in love in people are the same: an excited state and “loss of head”.

A person is in euphoria, and the fear of being rejected is the main cause of obsession and jealousy. Until a person is convinced of the love of a partner, he experiences impotence, passion inflames him, he counts the minutes between meetings and pays attention to the slightest shades of behavior.

A declaration of love is a very risky step, and it is ventured when a partner gives a number of encouraging hints. If he responded to the confession and both partners are confident in each other's love, harmonious relationships begin.

Why does disharmony occur?
Reality is far from fairy tales. A frequent companion of romantic attachment is the fear of rejection. This fear is fueled by disharmony in relationships, which can arise for various reasons.

An imbalance occurs if one of the partners is more attractive to the other: more attractive, cheerful, self-confident, erudite, successful, talented, young, rich.

The second factor that the author names is situational disharmony, when there are differences in the way of life of the wife and husband (for example, the birth of a child). And another reason is the disharmony of individual characteristics, when one partner is more restrained, and the second is ardent.

These are the factors that lead to the trap. Since we are all different, and our life is unpredictable, the emergence of a passion trap in a relationship becomes a very likely event.

What distinguishes the strong side in a relationship?
The strong decide whether to continue the connection. The weak are rarely the first to leave - only if the strong force them with psychological pressure.

But, as the author notes, strong does not mean manipulator or scoundrel. Often strong people want relationships to work out well. They feel guilt, despair, embarrassment, self-doubt. They do not understand why their feelings are cooling down. And they often mask the cooling with excuses. The weakening of the feelings of the strong can lead to a deterioration in the appearance and intellect of the weak or its inconsistency with the ideas of the partner.

But it happens that the strong physically and psychologically mock the weak. And this is a frequent theme of many literary works and films. In addition, the strong side in the relationship is subject to what the author calls the "syndrome of commitment and uncertainty."

What is the syndrome of obligations and uncertainty?
In a mild form, the syndrome is expressed in the unwillingness of the strong to bind oneself by marriage. Often the strong side offers the weak to live together in order to delay the decision. The novelty of the situation may give momentum to the relationship, but soon the honeymoon will end and the uncertainty will return.

Sometimes relationships reach marriage, but divorce will always loom on the horizon. A strong partner will weigh the pros and cons of marriage and constantly toss and turn. He can go on treason, and then offer his partner some time to live separately. At the same time, the strong side takes all the blame, convincing the weak side that it will be better for everyone.

As the author writes, an attempt to live separately leads to the following scenarios: a strong side creates a successful marriage with a new partner; the strong side becomes weak with a new partner, the relationship collapses and the unfortunate strong side tries to return to the old relationship. There is another option when the strong side rushes about and the former partner after parting becomes desirable. After returning to the old partner, the new one becomes desirable.

Do people always play only one role in a relationship?
No. After the end of relations with the weak, the strong are in danger of becoming one.

To be continued...

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