Worrying thoughts are poisonous. They spoil the mood and the one who is worried, and the one to whom these thoughts are dedicated. Do you want to become a person with whom your partner will feel calmer, more confident?
An exercise. Practicing the dance of intimacy
This exercise is designed to help you better understand the dynamics of needs for intimacy and autonomy. It will allow you to see the benefits of what you are avoiding and start taking action.
Remember, there is no magical, unchanging balance of autonomy and intimacy that creates a healthy relationship. All people have different needs that are constantly changing. Relationships work best when the needs of the partners as a whole are synchronized, but at the same time both of them are able to adjust to each other in a particular situation.
Challenging the craving for intimacy
If you feel that you absolutely must be close to your partner, and try not to notice the differences between you, try to go the other way. Think about what fun you could do without it. It could be anything. For example, attending a workshop, gardening, or taking a walk with friends once a week. Imagine how these activities could energize you. If you find yourself becoming anxious, remind yourself that this is just a thought experiment. You're just making a list, you don't have to do any of it if you don't want to.
You may want to talk to supportive people or write down your thoughts to work through your anxiety and insecurities.
When you're ready, talk to your partner. Pay attention to how he reacts to the fact that you want to spend more time alone with yourself. If he supports you, go for it. But be sure to tell him what you are doing - and how you appreciate his support. If he doesn't approve, ask him to feel free to share his thoughts and discuss the pros and cons of your new lifestyle. If your partner's concerns are significant, think together about what you can do to make both of you feel comfortable.
Remember that relationships are two-way traffic. Ask your partner about his hobbies, listen to his thoughts and plans on this matter - and if he is already actively interested in something, ask how this activity makes him feel. Think about how you can support your partner. For example, if he enjoys looking at vintage cars, imagine him excitedly telling you about cars he has seen or read about. Try to feel his joy that he can share all this with you.
We challenge the need for self-sufficiency.
Emotional openness or vulnerability can feel like a threat or unnecessary. But if you are lonely, then you suffer from a lack of intimacy. Most likely, if you do dare to open up a little, you will feel that the feeling of closeness that arises from this gives you joy. Maybe the very thought of getting close to someone can make you anxious and uncomfortable, but remind yourself that you don't have to do anything right now. You are just thinking.
Once you're ready, talk to your partner. And when he shares something with you, show interest. Ask how he feels or thinks. The point is to get involved in the process as much as possible, to get to know yourself and your partner better. An open conversation can bridge the gap between you and ease your feelings of loneliness.
Whether you're working on autonomy or intimacy (or navigating your changing needs), you'll find that effort comes back to you in the form of a happier relationship. You will feel that you are understood, appreciated, supported and accepted. In addition, you will probably notice that some problems have disappeared or become less serious. For example, that you are less likely to sink into a state of loneliness, boredom, anxiety, jealousy or distrust of everyone and are now less likely to be afraid of being rejected.
Ijaz khan
매그너스9
Juliantes