Understanding and forgiving is only half the battle.
Re-embracing someone who hurt you is not easy at all. It doesn't matter who it is - a family member, friend or partner - and how close the relationship was. Before you decide on such a serious step, you need to honestly answer yourself a few questions.
1. Did the person take responsibility for their actions?
The first step is to find out if the abuser is aware of what his words and actions hurt you. The following questions will help you find out:
Does he act like nothing happened?
Does he accuse you of being overly sensitive?
Does he accept his mistake and sincerely apologize for it?
The last thing you want is to get caught up in an emotional manipulation cycle where the person ignores your feelings or makes you feel like you're making a molehill out of a molehill. Healthy relationships require people to take responsibility for their wrongdoings rather than blaming each other. This builds trust and gives a sense of security. In addition, when a person admits his mistakes, he shows that he is ready to open up and is not afraid to expose his weaknesses in order to save the relationship.
2. Can you forgive a person?
If you understand that your abuser has actually taken responsibility for their actions, move on to the following questions:
Why would you give him a second chance?
Should you do this after he hurt you?
But first of all, you need to decide if you can forgive the person. Without this condition, reconciliation is impossible.
To make mistakes is to be human, so it is important for us to be able to forgive. A series of studies have shown that forgiveness, unlike revenge, instills in us a deep sense of kindness and humanity. If you don't want to forgive someone who has hurt you, psychologists advise you to think about the personal barriers that prevent you from doing so, and how your inner unwillingness to forgive another person affects your emotional well-being.
When you decide that you are ready to be lenient with the mistakes of others, ask yourself these questions:
Do you understand what made a person do what he did? If not, talk to him.
How do you feel about his actions? Are you able to empathize with him?
Have you ever offended someone and waited for forgiveness? How did you feel at that moment?
Is it worth spending time and effort on a relationship with the person you want to give another chance?
It is important to remember that forgiving a person does not mean justifying their actions or exonerating them from responsibility. On the contrary, forgiveness helps to restore humanity to oneself.
3. Has the person changed? Does he continue to grow as a person?
Asking someone to change is always hard. And how much the request will be granted depends on each party in the relationship.
Research confirms that it is important for a person who is trying to change to feel supported during this difficult process. And the person who asked for changes should give feedback on how well the partner is doing. So if you want someone to change, let them know that their efforts matter and will benefit your relationship.
Another important condition is that the person you are asking to change must understand that the request comes from your devotion and attachment to him. In this case, he will be less upset and more motivated.
That said, if your ex lacks emotional maturity and the behavior that initially led to problems continues, you should not let such a person back into your life. Otherwise, it will nullify the emotional healing that you have long sought after the offense.
4. Have you informed the person of your new expectations?
As we develop, our ideals, needs, desires also change. Therefore, it is important to discuss your new expectations with loved ones.
Psychologists identify several healthy expectations from relationships:
mutual trust;
the same level of commitment and involvement in the relationship;
empathy and acceptance of someone else's experience and emotions;
recognizing the value of relationships;
mutual understanding and readiness to seek a compromise;
respect for differences.
The ability to give each other a second chance is one of the human superpowers. But it must be used wisely. Only do this when you feel both you and the other person are willing to put in the effort.
Ijaz khan
매그너스9
Juliantes