3 Approaches to Finding Relationships That Get in the Way of Finding Love

The main problem with each of these options is unrealistic expectations. But the point is in the nuances.

Each of us has a different approach to dating, finding and developing romantic relationships. Awareness of the variability of meanings invested by different people in the word “love” helps to better understand oneself and a potential partner and interact more effectively with others.

“Many of the people I work with suffer from unrealistic expectations. I categorize these people based on those very expectations,” explains behavioral researcher and dating coach Logan Urie. She identifies three approaches that can be used when looking for a relationship: demanding, indecisive, and idealizing. Knowing your category and the style of behavior that corresponds to it, you will be able to more clearly present your romantic prospects and improve your personal life.

The following three points will definitely help you improve your communication on VeronikaLove!

1. Demanding
People who practice this approach form unrealistic expectations from a partner. They believe that a long search and numerous attempts at relationships will someday lead them to that very ideal.

Representatives of this category are sure that if they have not yet met “their” person, it means that they simply considered an insufficient number of potential partners. They are looking for impossible perfection, which ultimately prevents them from building a healthy relationship.

In fact, even if you think someone is perfect at the beginning, this impression dissipates over time. And this is normal: people tend to change, and love — to move to new stages. Logan Urie advises demanding idealists to remember that good relationships can only be built, not found.

“Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses. The main thing is to make efforts to create the relationship of your dreams, and not wait for them to come to you on their own, ”concludes the expert.

2. Indecisive
With this approach, another problem comes to the fore: unrealistic expectations from oneself. Indecisive people wait for the “right” moment to get into a relationship. For example, when they get a high-profile position or when they change their image. “They always have some reason why they can’t start a relationship right now,” notes Uri.

People with an indecisive approach usually want to become the best version of themselves before they meet a potential partner. But they forget that personal growth is possible only when we act, and not passively wait for changes.

If you recognize yourself, the expert recommends leaving your comfort zone and exploring how different people and relationships affect you. You can push yourself to work on your personal life — not only download dating apps for a certain period of time or buy clothes for dates, but also make appointments.

“Dating is a skill and can only be improved with regular practice. You can't wake up one day and be 100% ready for a relationship. Stop waiting and start dating someone,” advises Uri.

3. Idealizing
People who take this approach truly love love. This leads them to have unrealistic expectations of a relationship, patterns of how it should look and even start.

“These people want a magical love story, like walking around the market and reaching for a tomato at the same time as an attractive stranger,” notes Uri. Idealizing romantics often dream that they will instantly understand that they are facing the same person.

They usually don't use dating apps or do anything to improve their love life, simply because they find it unromantic. In addition, they have specific ideas about what their partner should be like. And these requirements are immediately excluded from the list of candidates who do not meet them.

“I often have to tell romantics that I don’t believe in soulmates. There are many people with whom you can build relationships and be happy,” says Uri. According to her, as soon as people begin to live in a similar - new to themselves - reality, they understand that making efforts for relationships is also romantic.

If you want to know which approach you take, you can take The Three Dating Tendencies Quiz / Logan Ury in English. But whatever the outcome, the expert reminds us that how we start a relationship is only the first step on the path to love. “It is important to be open to all people. Perhaps you are obsessed with a certain type of appearance or character. But it’s not a fact that such a person will actually give you happiness, ”the specialist sums up.

So get to know the most beautiful brides on VeronikaLove!