You won’t be forced to be sweet: why love cannot be earned

In order for you to be reciprocated on VeronikaLove!, you first need to understand yourself.

Why do we think that love can be achieved
Romantic cliches say: if you truly love, you have to fight for this feeling, even if the person does not reciprocate. Methods can be very different. For example, to come to the object of adoration and sing serenades. Call at night and breathe into the phone. Eliminate competitors. Well, or just too actively care. In romantic stories, everything ends well: a person will definitely change his mind and fall in love in return. And therefore it seems that in reality, a happy ending will not take long, if you try hard enough.

What are the dangers of trying to achieve love
You met a person and fell in love with him with all your heart, but he did not reciprocate. It doesn’t matter in what form you received a refusal: an undisguised “no” or ignorance. It is important that you do not hear "yes" and do not see in the object of adoration the readiness to equally invest in your relationship. Here you would retreat and go in search of a more suitable person for you. But many start an operation to win love, and in vain.

What are the dangers of trying to achieve love
You met a person and fell in love with him with all your heart, but he did not reciprocate. It doesn’t matter in what form you received a refusal: an undisguised “no” or ignorance. It is important that you do not hear "yes" and do not see in the object of adoration the readiness to equally invest in your relationship. Here you would retreat and go in search of a more suitable person for you. But many start an operation to win love, and in vain.

You can become a victim of a manipulator
It seems that the situation is under control: it is you who initiates what is happening, you decide what and when to do. But things may not be so clear cut.

There is a risk of getting involved in a long unpleasant game. When you are willing to do anything for love, you become an excellent target. You will invest a lot of effort, time and other resources to satisfy the object of your adoration, but you will never be good enough. And the manipulator will receive from you all sorts of benefits and levers for control: expectation ("Here's a little more, and everything will turn out!") And guilt ("I'm doing something wrong again").

You will not achieve any love in this way. But when the manipulator plays enough and leaves you, you will be devastated. This will hurt your self-esteem and can lead to depression. In addition, days, months, and even years will pass in vain.

You will waste precious time stalking
A stalker is called not only a lover of abandoned places, but also someone who obsessively pursues another person. It doesn't matter for what purpose. If you were refused, and you try to always be there, fill up with gifts, constantly write or call, this is not nice. It's annoying and scary.

It is obvious that reciprocal feelings cannot be achieved in this way. To intimidate the victim and start a relationship with her, perhaps someone succeeds, but it is unlikely that you dreamed about it.

Reciprocity in your relationship is questionable
Sometimes relationships do work out. Maybe you give the most beautiful flowers, cook the most delicious borscht, or are an excellent conversationalist - you never know the reasons to be with you. But such a union does not guarantee love or even sympathy. Relationships can be built on a different feeling: gratitude, guilt, fear, or hopelessness.

It is also possible that at some point you will get tired of all this. Perhaps you fight so zealously for love not at all because you are so in love. It's just your way of proving to yourself that you're capable of something and boosting your self-esteem.

Why You Shouldn't Deserve Love
Of course, this is not about the rejection of courtship and signs of attention. Just remember: they only work when the sympathy is mutual, and you don't have to earn love in any way, because you already deserve it.

Only by becoming a full-fledged, mature person, having seen and worked through your injuries, closed your actual needs and noticed the choice that has appeared in your reactions, you can find the same full-fledged partner with whom you can build strong, stable, harmonious relationships. Dealing with your trauma is far from the easiest. But it is a valuable investment that you must make if you want to find happiness with yourself and others.

By ceasing to feel the need to serve another person, you can enjoy a respectful and warm attitude towards you from your partner. You will be able to give him your love freely and sincerely, and not in order to receive a secondary benefit.

Now you will definitely find pure and true love on VeronikaLove!