Perfectionists are people who strive for perfection in everything. But often it is this character trait that prevents them from building strong relationships. And there are several reasons why perfectionism negatively affects your romantic connection.
Why perfectionism in relationships is harmful
There are several significant reasons why perfectionism in relationships does not lead to anything good.
Inflated expectations from yourself and the girl
Every person entering a relationship has certain expectations. They can be reasonable and quite objective, but they can also be exaggerated.
When you start making too many demands on yourself and your girlfriend, you end up with unhappiness and disappointment. These expectations can also cause a lot of stress, increasing the risk of conflict.
Over-criticality
A consequence of high expectations is a tendency to be overly critical. It is difficult to sensibly assess opportunities, personal qualities, aspirations and problems when you strive for everything to be perfect.
Constant criticism towards yourself and towards the girl undermines the feeling of trust and intimacy. It has a negative impact on self-esteem and can lead to feelings of worthlessness.
Inability to compromise
When you are one hundred percent sure what the right thing will be, which is often dictated by perfectionistic tendencies, it can be difficult to force yourself to compromise. Due to the intolerance that arises when arguing with a girl, a feeling of tension may arise in the relationship, as well as great resentment.
Inability to relax
While striving for the perfect relationship, you may feel like you simply don't have the right to relax.
You need to constantly monitor what is happening between you and the girl, and take measures to improve your connection. But it happens that the best is the enemy of the good. Without allowing yourself to relax and simply enjoy what is happening, you stop enjoying your leisure time and relationships in general.
Avoiding Vulnerability
As a rule, a person striving for an ideal relationship is himself a perfectionist. He is accustomed to the fact that he must get one hundred percent or even better results in any business, as well as meet stringent requirements set for himself.
As a result, he tries to avoid situations that require showing vulnerability, as it reveals his flaws and weaknesses. But by doing so, he prevents the development of emotional intimacy in the relationship.
How to deal with perfectionism in relationships
If you realize that there is unhealthy perfectionism in your relationship, it's time to start fighting it. There are several tips that will help with this.
Set realistic expectations
If you feel that a girl is not meeting your expectations at all, perhaps it's time to reconsider them. Keep in mind that the standards you set are probably high for most people.
Remember that no one is perfect, including yourself. Everyone makes mistakes from time to time or behaves differently than you want. And we talked about how to understand whether your expectations are too high here.
Focus on the positive
Overcoming perfectionism depends largely on changing your beliefs and attitudes. It is important to learn to focus not on the bad, but on the positive moments in a relationship.
This will help you quell your inner critic and also give more importance to what you like about your girlfriend.
Focus on quality of relationship rather than perfection
We, like romantic movie directors, can paint pictures of ideal relationships and love in our heads. The problem is that real life is far from both our expectations and what is shown on the screen.
It is important to work not on making the relationship perfect, but on its quality. To do this, you need to learn to compromise, communicate openly, show your vulnerability and accept your girlfriend's shortcomings.
Make honest communication a priority
Regardless of your partner's tendency toward perfectionism, communication is what helps build a healthy relationship, so it's worth investing in.
Don't try to avoid mistakes when talking to a girl about problems, or to appear better than you are. Try to listen to her opinion, even if it seems wrong to you, and also be honest with her and avoid excessive criticism.
Stop being hard on yourself
Eight out of ten people who practice perfectionism criticize and make high demands on their partners because they themselves feel imperfect. They struggle with the fear of failure, making others feel like failures.
Perfectionism makes you too hard on yourself. However, you are a person who has his own weaknesses, needs and set of life mistakes that help him grow. Accept this reality and treat yourself not like a perfect robot, but like your best friend. Otherwise, there is a high probability that dissatisfaction with yourself will become the reason for nagging the girl, and will also lead to the feeling that you are unhappy in the relationship.
Ijaz khan
매그너스9
Juliantes