Why are conflicts needed in relationships and why is their absence dangerous?

If there are no quarrels or disputes at all, then we can hardly talk about trust.

Why there may be no conflicts in a couple
First, let's agree on terms. Let's assume that a conflict is not necessarily a quarrel with breaking plates and loud swearing. You can sort things out without flashy special effects. And that's why all this may not happen.

Indifference may have appeared in the relationship
It is impossible for two different adults to think exactly the same way in any situation. After all, partners are not clones of each other, but people with different characters, habits and experiences. And in addition to common interests and priorities, everyone has their own - important and valuable. Different positions sometimes lead to misunderstanding, but as a result they help both people and the relationships between them to develop.

Imagine that you have a disagreement. For example, you really want to go to the sea, but your partner thinks that you can relax at the dacha. He considers it necessary to invest money in serious training. And he thinks that the trip to the sea can be postponed for six months or a year.

If it is important for you to reach an agreement with your partner, you will probably try to explain your point of view to him. And tell us why you need to change your situation right now. He will defend his position - this is a conflict.

But sometimes a person is not at all interested in what the partner really thinks and what he is going to do.

For example, at home everyone is staring at the screen of their laptop or smartphone. The events on the screen are more interesting to them than what is happening a meter from their chair. And everyone has their own plans for vacation, as well as money. This situation is very dangerous for relationships: it can lead to a breakup.

One of you may be afraid of angering or upsetting your partner
This case is more complicated. It happens that it is difficult for one of the couple to tell what exactly does not suit him. He is afraid that his partner will perceive his words inadequately - he will be offended, angry, disappointed. This will end the dialogue, but the relationship will become more tense.

Therefore, someone who doesn’t like something prefers to remain silent. He can hope that the situation will somehow resolve itself, and without difficult conversations. This happens if a person has previously had to deal with misunderstanding or neglect, and not necessarily in the current relationship. And now he is afraid to open up in case he again encounters indifference or aggression.

It happens that both partners adhere to this position. They can hide their dissatisfaction for a long time, although a frank conversation would help solve problems faster. But everyone expects the other to read his thoughts and guess that he is wrong about something. Of course this doesn't happen. Dissatisfaction accumulates, and relations become increasingly chilly.

The danger is that one day there may be complete indifference, as in the previous point. And then the relationship will end altogether, leaving only pain and disappointment.

What problems can a lack of conflict cause?
It will become more difficult to understand yourself, understand others and strengthen mutual understanding.

It will be harder to see what is important to you
In order for your partner to know how you see the situation, you need to explain it to him. But first you will have to formulate your point of view, and simply and clearly. While you are looking for the right words, you will better understand what you consider important and where the boundary is that you will not allow to be violated.

Also, identify your needs that you don’t want and can’t ignore. After all, they are usually the cause of the conflict, and not at all the reasons that lie on the surface.

For example, a loved one again did not take out the trash, although he promised to do so. Perhaps he didn’t want to offend you at all, but simply forgot to take the package before leaving the house. But you are hurt because of his inattention. So much so that you want to start a serious quarrel.

It will be more difficult to learn to make compromises
In this matter, the most important thing is practice - that is, real life situations in which you were able to understand.

If two people have different views and no one wants to give up their point of view, you need to look for a third position - one that suits both. Some may feel that compromise is a betrayal of themselves and their interests.

But if you understand that each point of view did not arise out of nowhere and is worthy of attention, it turns out that no one is wrong.

Moreover, you should not find out who is to blame at all, but immediately look for ways to solve the problem. You may find that there is not only one way out, as it seemed at first. And not even two. There are many more of them, and among them there will certainly be one that suits both.

The acquired skill of finding compromises can be applied in any difficult life situations when it seems that there are no good solutions. Well, if there are no conflicts, then there will be no practice.

Maybe you really need care, and throwing away trash is a detail that will show your partner that your comfort is important. Or maybe you want confirmation that a loved one respects and values you, and therefore will not allow himself to let your request fall on deaf ears.

When you see not the superficial, but the deeper reasons for the quarrel, you will better understand your needs. Well, if a conflict does not happen, then there will be no reason for analysis.

There will be less opportunity to get to know your partner and understand his motives
The same principle applies here. If a quarrel has already occurred, you can figure out what important needs of your partner went unnoticed. If he doesn't talk about them himself, ask questions. The most important thing here is a dialogue in which both participants try to see the situation from the other’s point of view.

This does not mean that you will necessarily have to admit that your partner is right and you are wrong. Understanding another point of view does not necessarily mean sharing it.

Psychologists have found that couples where people often conflict, but each strives to understand the other, are usually quite strong. At the same time, the partners do not experience dissatisfaction or resentment, even if both remain unconvinced. It’s just that for each of them it is more important to be understood than to certainly be right.

If there was no quarrel, then neither questions nor answers to them will appear

You may not see that relationships are a value worth fighting for
It often happens that the greatest part of negative emotions goes to close people. In the presence of strangers, a person can be extremely polite, but with his own people he allows himself to relax. He restrains negative emotions in the office or in transport, and at home he may not hide his bad mood.

And he begins to scold the brawler from the store, the not-so-smart colleague, the tyrant boss, and the bad weather this year. The partner has to listen to all this, and sometimes calm down and bring the loved one back to his senses. And this is also a conflict.

Often it is situations like these that show that relationships in a couple are of great value and should be treasured. After all, each of us does not have many people who are ready to listen to any complaints and accept our sarcasm, bitterness, disappointment in the world and in ourselves.

If such conflicts never happen, then you are a very reserved and polite person. Or you don’t even feel like you’re safe at home, and that’s a reason to be wary.