What is love and how it happens: the view of psychologists

Ask someone what love is and they can hardly put it into words. You will surely find your love on VeronikaLove!
Now let's try to understand the nature of love. Someone believes that it depends on chance or fate, others are sure that the matter is in pheromones. And what psychologists think about this - read our article.

What is love made of
Psychologist Robert Sternberg proposes a theory that love has three essential components: intimacy, passion, and commitment.

Intimacy is closeness and mutual support, partnership. It increases as the lovers draw closer and may not manifest itself in a calm, measured life. However, in a crisis situation, when a couple has to overcome difficulties together, it is clearly expressed.
Passion is the feeling of sexual attraction. It culminates at the beginning of a relationship, but stops growing in long-term relationships. However, this does not mean that passion is absent in a long marriage - it simply ceases to be an important motivator for a couple.
Commitment - the willingness to be faithful to another person. This is the only component of love that increases over time in any relationship - both long-term and short-term - and becomes an increasingly significant aspect.

Kinds of love
Depending on whether these components are present in a relationship, Sternberg identifies seven varieties of love.

1. Sympathy. Includes only one component - intimacy. There is spiritual intimacy, a feeling of tenderness, affection for a person, but there is no passion and devotion.

2. Obsession. There is passion, but no intimacy or commitment. As a rule, passion arises very quickly and passes just as quickly. This is the same love at first sight, which can remain a fleeting passion, or maybe develop into something more.

3. Empty love. There are mutual obligations, but there is no passion and intimacy. This is love by calculation (not monetary, of course), when a person judiciously, having weighed all the pros and cons, decides to remain devoted to his partner. This type of love is typical for married couples who have lived together for a long time and have lost their emotional and physical attraction to each other, but have maintained a warm relationship.

4. Romantic love. Characterized by intimacy and passion, but no devotion. Relationships are similar to sympathy, but in addition to emotional intimacy, there is a physical attraction to a partner. This kind of love constantly pops up as a plot in literature and cinema (both in the classic play "Romeo and Juliet" and in popular women's novels).

5. Comradely love. A combination of intimacy and commitment. Passion is gone or never was. This love binds relatives, friends or spouses when the passion has passed.

6. Pointless love. An unusual combination of passion and devotion to a partner, but there is no spiritual intimacy with him. Such relationships often turn into a hasty marriage, when the couple decides to get married almost on a second date. However, if intimacy does not increase over time, such a marriage ends in divorce.

7. Perfect love. Includes all three components: passion, intimacy, devotion. All couples aspire to such relationships. And they can be achieved, but it is very difficult to maintain. This kind of love never lasts. This does not mean that relationships end in a break, they just lose one of the components, and ideal love is transformed into another kind, for example, into a friendly or empty one.

What is needed for the emergence of mutual love
Psychologist Elaine Hatfield, as a result of her research, came to the conclusion that in order for love to arise - mutual, bringing joy and satisfaction, or unrequited, leading to despair and depression - three factors must be present:

1. The right time. There must be (ideally both) a willingness to fall in love with another person.

2. Similarity. It is no secret that people sympathize with those who are similar to themselves, and not only externally, but also internally - have similar interests, hobbies, affections.

3. Early attachment style. It depends on the personality of each. A calm, balanced person is more capable of long-term relationships than an impulsive and impulsive one.

Psychologists strive to understand the nature of love, but at the present time it is unlikely that any of them will be able to answer the question of why and how this feeling appears. But the phenomenon of love certainly needs to be studied. After all, if you understand the patterns of this feeling, then the reasons for unsuccessful relationships will become clear, which in the future can be avoided.