What is love?

Veronikalove is a dating site for uniting hearts and creating relations. We are about love. But what is love? In the first days of spring, this popular hit about love involuntarily comes to mind.

In it, making fun of the suffering of teenage love, the pranksters hit the mark, that is, they gave rise to more serious reflections on the topic of love. More precisely, the meaning that everyone puts into this word. It may be difficult to express what it is at times, but almost everyone is sure that when love comes, they definitely feel it. But here, as one rabbi said, if it seems to you that it is so, then it is not so.

It turns out that the main reason for misunderstandings between people, their quarrels, insults, divorces is that they, so to speak, have not defined their concepts in understanding love, and, accordingly, their expectations from it.

Therefore, when a wife, for example, reproaches her husband in tears that he supposedly does not love her - in fact, often her ideas about love do not coincide with his "myth" about this feeling.

People have been sorting things out for years and do not realize that they are fighting not for love, but for asserting their concept of it as the only correct one.

The famous humanist psychologist Erich Fromm wrote that when one person says “I love you” to another, both have the illusion of understanding this expression, although each may mean something completely different. Someone says these words to many people several times a day, and thus simply informs about his good attitude towards them and to the whole world at that moment.

It is very difficult for someone to confess their love, because it seems to him that when he utters the "main words", he will have to bear responsibility for them and their addressee all his life. It seems right - I want to say, though it’s sometimes very difficult to be so serious, in contrast to the frivolous.

One psychotherapist even jokingly suggested abolishing the word "Love" and instead using, for example, "X". And after that, find out what this "X" means: "I want you", "I want to marry you", "I want to get married to take care of you and our children all my life" or "I want to get married so that you about me cared", "Now you support me."

In practice, of course, it is difficult to imagine such sober reasoning of romantic lovers, but the identification and awareness of one's individual myth about love will significantly expand one's ability to love. That is, go beyond your own concept of love and accept at least partially the views of another.

Another dangerous myth about love is that only another person can give it to us, that is, we receive it from somewhere outside. It turns out that the "beloved person" is the one next to whom we feel love, and because of the absence of which - suffering.

Love does not idealize, it involves the acceptance of another, already well-known person, as he is. It pays much more attention to the other than to itself.

One of the definitions of love is "conscious devotion." And conscious means voluntary, so it's something quite different than neurotic addiction. We do not try to adjust the other to our expectations (we are the subject, he is the object), but we ourselves, having switched roles, do not always please the beloved to the detriment of our own personality because of the fear of losing him.

Love is not money, it cannot be gained or lost. She is the feeling of free mature personalities. Remember this and be happy!