What is an emotional swing and how to stop this dangerous “attraction”

What is an emotional swing
This is a non-scientific term for mood swings from one polar state to another, as well as a manipulative technique that is based on such fluctuations.

The easiest way to understand how emotional swings work is by using the example of relationships. Let's say two people meet and they start an affair. But one of the partners behaves unstably: sometimes he swears his love and arranges amazing dates, then disappears for a long time. Then he always comes back, and the happiness from new meetings feels especially against the background of the previous sadness. If a person behaved consistently, then the partner would feel consistently satisfied, only the degree of feelings would be lower.

It's all about contrast. Imagine that it's plus 25 degrees outside and you go into water with a temperature of 27 degrees. In such conditions, you may not feel anything special: it just became wet, but the sensations are weak. Now imagine that on a hot day you plunge into a mountain river. The water instantly invigorates, as if many small needles are piercing your body. At this moment you get a complex of mixed feelings, and this is remembered. In the same way, emotional swings have an effect on us the more the more they swing.

At the same time, we can be “swinged” not only in romantic relationships, but also in any other: family, friendship or even work. For example, a boss can humiliate, then generously reward for some achievements. And in this situation, praise brings more joy and makes you work even harder to get it.

However, you can ride on emotional swings even if no one pushes you. The reason may be mental health problems, a malfunction in the hormonal systems, some personal characteristics. And if a person understands the process, then he can simply gently help himself with his foot, intensifying the emotion he is experiencing. For example, any sadness or anger can be felt and let go, or you can wind yourself up even more.

Why emotional swings are dangerous
Whatever makes you swing on such an "attraction" can have negative consequences.

Irrational decisions
Emotions are given to us for a reason. They help us make quick decisions in a given situation, without thinking too much. Because thinking too much means wasting precious time. For example, a person sees a leopard, feels fear - and runs, or hides, or fights. Feels anger when he is attacked - and attacks in response. Feels happiness - and remembers in what situations to repeat them again.

Emotional swings push us to very strong expressions of feelings. If it is grief, then it is destructive, if fear, then all-consuming, if joy, then it is as if you have become the king of the world. And the strength of these emotions prevents you from thinking clearly.

Inability to build healthy relationships
After emotional swings, normal, healthy interactions can seem boring. Because that's what life is: boring, smooth. Bright, exciting moments don't happen that often. And returning to such a life can be disappointing.

Unstable self-esteem
The danger of emotional swings is that most often they are not controlled by the one who is swinging on them. A person knows that the reward, the peak of positive emotions will be somewhere, but it is unknown when. Therefore, he can try harder and better to feel this happiness. But since the mechanism is not under his control, a person may begin to think that he is not good enough for this.

How to jump off the emotional swings
This is difficult, precisely because emotions are often stronger than reason. In fact, finding yourself on a swing is not so easy. Therefore, the best option is to contact a psychologist. Thanks to independent professional help from the outside, it will be much easier to take the next steps.

Analyze what is happening more rationally
As we have already said many times, emotions displace the ability to think rationally. When we see a snake under our feet, we immediately jump away, rather than consider whether it is a safe grass snake or a dangerous viper. But sometimes it is simply necessary to dampen feelings and look at the situation not through the prism of emotions. This is very difficult, sometimes almost impossible. But it is a sober look at the situation that helps to understand whether what is happening to you is normal.

This is exactly where a good psychologist can help - ask the right questions, help to evaluate things objectively. But you can also use the "Solomon paradox": imagine that everything is happening not to you, but to your friend. It turns out that we can usually give better advice to someone than to ourselves - precisely because we look at the situation more rationally.

Define your values
Values ​​are what is critically important to us in life. Under the influence of emotions, we can forget about them, but this does not stop them from being of fundamental importance to us. Therefore, a rational appeal to values ​​can help stop emotional swings.

For example, a person wants a harmonious relationship that will flow into marriage and the birth of children. This is his global value. And if you focus on it, you can see that a relationship with constant uncertainty, drama and misunderstanding of what is happening at all is unlikely to lead to this goal.