A good way to see red flags in a relationship right away, rather than years later with the wrong person.
Putting in the effort to find a romantic partner and forcing a relationship that doesn't really exist are very different things. But sometimes we are in such a hurry to find someone or are afraid of being alone that we lose sight of this distinction. And then we look back and wonder how we didn’t immediately notice that the person didn’t suit us at all.
In order not to repeat such a mistake, it is important to learn immediately, and not years later, to see the difference between relationships based on true love and relationships based on the fear of loneliness. Three questions will help.
1. Can you be yourself around this person?
One of the clear signs of a relationship that is built on fear is unnatural, far-fetched behavior. Worries that you can lose a partner make you indulge him in everything. For example, changing your character or sacrificing your values to avoid judgment.
When you are constantly afraid of being left without a partner, everything you do turns into an act of maintaining a relationship, and this makes it difficult to enjoy the time spent together. Endlessly adapting to the other person's expectations causes you to ignore your own wants and needs, which can lead to feelings of dissatisfaction and loss of identity.
In a healthy relationship, both partners maintain their individuality and support each other. Research shows that a balance between intimacy and independence is incredibly important for a harmonious union. At the same time, relationships, as a rule, deteriorate noticeably when one or more of the following conditions occur and one of the partners:
tries to control the other and influence his views;
behaves helplessly and has difficulty coping in difficult situations;
invades other people's personal boundaries.
2. Do you need to be around this person all the time to be happy?
Of course, we must find happiness next to those we truly love. But for some, this happiness becomes an effort and an attempt to avoid the paralyzing fear of loneliness.
If, in the absence of a partner, you feel so empty and lost that it seems to you that you are not able to be happy without him, this may indicate a fear of losing a partner, and not about love.
The desire to spend time with your loved one is healthy and appropriate for the development of relationships. Expecting him to devote all his free time to you is a possible sign that the relationship is based on fear.
Another question to ask yourself is: do you prefer to spend time alone with your partner or in the company of other people? If you find it difficult to “share” your loved one with others, you are likely relying too much on him for attention to you and your happiness.
3. Is it easy to make you jealous?
Jealousy is another sign that a relationship is being controlled by fear of loss and feelings of inferiority.
According to research, being jealous from time to time is normal and even beneficial, as jealousy reminds partners not to take each other for granted. It enhances emotions and adds passion to intimate moments.
On the other hand, intense or irrational jealousy arises from the fear of being abandoned. Scientists have found that a low level of trust in a loved one can make people with an anxious type of attachment jealous, dig into their partner’s things, and even use psychological violence.
Self-doubt in a more general sense can develop in us paranoia associated with the fear of losing a partner. This only fuels the toxicity that leads to relationship problems.
When we desperately need a person, we tend to make hasty decisions. Waiting for the right moment to start a relationship is difficult, but this is the path that leads to relationships based on true love and common interests, and not the fear of being alone.
Ijaz khan
매그너스9
Juliantes