Relationship problems that you have to take responsibility for

Sometimes relationships are disappointing. One of the first impulses is to shift the responsibility for this to the partner. It just turned out to be inappropriate, did everything wrong, and did not agree at all on the characters. However, in reality it may be that the matter is not at all in the chosen one or the chosen one. Sometimes it pays to think about your behavior. Some seemingly normal things can be destructive.

You are only ready to take, but not to give.
What does it look like
People evaluate the quality of relationships, including through how much a partner is willing to invest in them. How attentive, caring, whether he supports, helps with difficulties, and so on. It's quite normal. Although sometimes it seems that a person started very well, and then seemed to cool off - he stopped trying what to take from him. It obviously won't get any better.

What is really
Relationships can be compared to two communicating swimming pools from a school puzzle. Only from the outside no liquid is added to them. For harmony, you need to periodically add water to each other so that both reservoirs are filled.

If he gives, cares, helps only one - sooner or later he will get tired, lose his fuse, become empty. So it's important to ask yourself, "What am I doing for this relationship?" at least as often as “What is he/she doing?”

You are looking for a function, not a person.
What does it look like
You know very well who you need next to you. For example, you might be looking for a second parent for your future children, a travel partner, or someone else with a very clear purpose. Sounds like a good idea: by making clear demands, you minimize the risk of meeting the wrong person. Only now the chosen one for some reason is not ready to fit into a narrow framework.

What is really
Indeed, to understand who you need is great. It is only important to remember that a person is not a tool for a specific purpose, one has to deal with all the qualities and desires of a partner. So he may not like that you are only looking for a resource in it.

You endure to the last, and then explode.
What does it look like
It may seem to you that you are doing everything for the relationship: patiently endure the roughness, go forward in controversial issues, adjust your plans and desires to the other. But it’s impossible to constantly suppress a protest in yourself, so one day you explode: “I’m everything for you, and what are you?” But you are met not with applause for self-sacrifice, but with bewilderment.

What is really
Let's look at the situation from the side of the partner. He lives quietly for himself and believes that you have an excellent relationship, because you make decisions together and do not even quarrel about this. For him, your inner work is not at all obvious. Therefore, the outbreak for him is not due to anything: after all, it was possible to say earlier and without nerves? Therefore, it is better to express your desires in a timely manner.

You're trying to live up to expectations you weren't given.
What does it look like
Maybe you think that the chosen one wants you to always pay for her and aggressively protect from anyone who gives her a greasy look. But all this cannot be called your natural behavior. Therefore, at first you force yourself, and then you get upset that your efforts are not appreciated enough.

What is really
Perhaps everyone has a picture in their head of what people should be in a relationship. That's just it does not necessarily coincide with the views of the partner. So it is not necessary to make sacrifices that no one asked you for - this will lead to tension in the couple as a result. Talk first.

You Expect to Meet Expectations You Don't Say.
What does it look like
You are angry that a partner or partner is behaving somehow wrong. After all, it seems to be obvious that this is good, but this is bad.

What is really
Telepathy does not exist, so before you expect something from a person, you need to discuss it with her.