A good way to see the red flags in a relationship right away, rather than after years of living with the wrong person.
Putting effort into finding a romantic partner, for example, on VeronikaLove, and forcibly creating a relationship that doesn’t actually exist are very different things. But sometimes we are in such a hurry to find someone or afraid of being alone that we lose sight of this difference. And then we look back and wonder how we didn’t immediately notice that the person was completely unsuitable for us.
In order not to repeat a similar mistake, it is important to learn immediately, and not years later, to see the difference between relationships based on true love and relationships based on the fear of loneliness. Three questions will help with this.
Can you be yourself around this person?
One of the clear signs of a relationship built on fear is unnatural, contrived behavior. Worries about losing your partner force you to indulge him in everything. For example, changing your character or sacrificing your values to avoid condemnation.
When you're constantly afraid of being without your partner, everything you do becomes an act of preserving the relationship, and it gets in the way of enjoying your time together. Continuously adapting to another person's expectations causes you to ignore your own wants and needs, which can lead to feelings of dissatisfaction and loss of identity.
In a healthy relationship, both partners maintain their individuality and support each other. Research shows that a balance between intimacy and independence is incredibly important for a harmonious union. At the same time, relationships, as a rule, noticeably deteriorate when one or more of the following conditions arise and one of the partners:
tries to control another and influence his views;
behaves helplessly and has difficulty coping in difficult situations;
invades other people's personal boundaries.
Do you need to be around this person all the time to be happy?
Of course, we should find happiness with those we truly love. But for some, this happiness becomes an effort and an attempt to escape the paralyzing fear of loneliness.
If you feel so empty and lost in the absence of your partner that you feel like you are unable to be happy without him, this may indicate a fear of losing your partner rather than love.
The desire to spend time with your loved one is healthy and beneficial for the development of a relationship. Expecting him to devote all his free time to you is a possible sign that the relationship is based on fear.
Another question to ask yourself: Do you prefer to spend time with your partner alone or in the company of other people? If you find it difficult to “share” your loved one with others, you may be overly reliant on them for their attention and happiness.
Is it easy to make you jealous?
Jealousy is another sign that a relationship is controlled by fear of loss and feelings of inferiority.
Research shows that being jealous from time to time is normal and even healthy because jealousy reminds partners not to take each other for granted. It enhances emotions and adds passion to intimate moments.
On the other hand, intense or irrational jealousy arises from the fear of abandonment. Scientists have found that a low level of trust in a loved one can cause people with an anxious attachment type to be jealous, rummage through their partner’s things, and even use psychological violence.
Self-doubt in a more general sense can develop in us paranoia associated with the fear of losing a partner. This only fuels the toxicity that leads to relationship problems.
When we desperately need a person, we tend to make hasty decisions. Waiting for the right moment to start a relationship is difficult, but this is the path that leads to relationships based on true love and common interests, and not the fear of being alone.
Ijaz khan
매그너스9
Juliantes