7 reasons why relationship work is overrated

This idea leads us into many avoidable traps.

The phrase “relationships need to be worked on” is used so often that it is perceived as an axiom that requires neither proof nor explanation. Meanwhile, this advice leaves such scope for fantasies and interpretations that it may not help, but turn life into torture.

1. Not all relationships are worth working on.
The idea itself might be a good one. In order for the fire of feelings not to die out, it is sometimes necessary to throw firewood into it. What exactly is another question. However, this approach leads straight into a trap: if the relationship does not work out, then it is the person’s fault that he did not work on them enough. And therefore, having parted, people risk going straight into the abyss of guilt and shame. And even if not, then there will definitely be those who will push them to the edge: “they didn’t save”, “they couldn’t”.

But let's face it: in some cases (far from isolated) it is better to cut without waiting for peritonitis and without pumping a lot of strength into trying to maintain relationships that never really existed. It's romantic to think that couples are made in heaven. In fact, they are formed at random and are stored for various reasons. Going on a first date, it is almost impossible to guess how the relationship will develop and how the person will show himself in a month, a year or after the wedding.

2. The norm of the volume of work is not clear
Work is generally different. Someone goes to a modern clean office with free smoothies, and someone waves a pick 8 hours a day. One works from call to call, the other stays in the office and even works on weekends. The first deals with amazing colleagues and attentive bosses, the second is sandwiched between a tyrant leader and scandalous clients.
Obviously, every couple has moments of crisis. And you will have to make some efforts to overcome them. But if the relationship is a continuous crisis with rare bursts of well-being, it seems that the resource is going somewhere in the wrong direction.

3. Questions remain about the distribution of responsibility
Work on relationships begins when something goes wrong. In peacetime, such formulations are rarely used. And here comes the problem associated with the desire to take full responsibility for the well-being of the relationship.

For example, when one partner has cooled off, the second one starts to go out of his way, mainly changing it to depraved underwear, and tries in every possible way in other ways. However, only two can overcome the crisis in a relationship. No matter how hard a person tries, he cannot cope alone.

4. Work has a beginning and an end
Temporary work on relationships will not work. Here you will not be able to complete all the missions, defeat the final boss and save at a certain point. Relationships are a process, not a result. For them to be good, one must not catch on at the last moment, but live in a certain way. Do not force yourself to do something, just to stick a band-aid on the wound, but constantly maintain balance and take care of yourself and your partner. Of course, it is possible to act under pressure so that everything will work out for a while. But what will it lead to?

5. You already have a job
She can be terrible or awesome. But practically from any work you periodically get tired, suffer and think, is it time to find a new place. And it’s also a certain inevitability: you need to work so that you have something to buy bread and other food.

Romantic relationships are an optional part of life. And if you also constantly suffer from them, get tired, burn out, then you have to figure out why to endure all this. If a person already has a job, why should he come home and work the second shift? Relationships are needed for joy, support, a sense of security, peace of mind. Let not every second - it is impossible, and disagreements are inevitable, but mostly.

6. Work not on relationships
This implies somewhat artificial behavior. If it were organic, then the person would not have to strain, he would just behave as usual. But it didn’t work out to be yourself if there was a need to repair the relationship.

7. If a relationship is work, it's a so-so relationship.
The word “work” in general is not perceived very well, which is confirmed by thousands of memes about the gloom of Monday and the joy of Friday. Not the warmest attitude to work is also hinted at by the popularity of trainings with advertising “I started“ something ”, quit and live on passive income”, and wisdom like “find a job you like, and you will not have to work a day in your life ".

But at the same time, for some reason, no one says: find yourself a suitable partner, and you will not have to work on relationships. And this is how it happens. Relationships become very simple when you meet someone who shares your goals and views on key issues. The partner should become the best friend with whom you can unite in case of problems, and not swear. You will cherish such a person and take care of him. And this, by and large, is enough.