There are several types of people in a relationship, from jealous people to trustworthy people, from authoritarian dictators to democratic compromisers. But no matter what the people were and no matter how strong their relationship was, everyone had thoughts that caused a kind of itching, did not allow them to concentrate, overshadowed all the others. These thoughts with a delayed effect can destroy even strong relationships, or at least cool them down to the state of roommates, not lovers.
If you periodically have these thoughts in relation to your girlfriend, you should solve this problem as soon as possible so as not to bring the situation to the point of absurdity.
1 Labeling
Labels are a convenient tool, a kind of stereotype, but on a somewhat smaller scale. We label all the time without even realizing it, including our partners. However, this is one of the most negative ways of thinking that subtly destroys relationships.
The fact is that labels overshadow positive qualities and expose a person in an unfavorable light. Not only does this offend your girlfriend, but over time it convinces you more and more of the correctness of your judgments, even if there is not even a grain of logic in them. It's like a self-fulfilling prophecy that you approach without realizing it. As a result, you begin to really believe that your girlfriend leads a dishonorable lifestyle, is lazy, does not love you, and so on.
Solution: Challenge negative labels, process them with a cold mind, and stick to a positive mindset. Look for positive qualities in a girl and try to reveal them.
2 Unfair and irrational accusations
These thoughts are also the result of broken logic. As a rule, everything starts with small things like unwashed dishes or the girl being in the bathroom for too long. Gradually, the accusations grow larger, become larger and move into the category of “it's because of you that my life is so boring” and so on. The delayed effect is that the accusations sound harmless at first, even as a joke. But, gradually growing, they offend your girlfriend more and more.
Remember not to accuse your partner of something unfair. This does not mean that you need to keep everything to yourself when she really was at fault, but you must have clear arguments in favor of your point of view.
3 Emotional short circuits
This point is called so because of the intermediate stage between a compromise and an active quarrel, when something jumps in the head. Such a phenomenon is similar to anger mixed with a desire to put up with the inability to reach out to a partner, even if this is not the case. A vivid example of an emotional short circuit is phrases like “oh, that’s it!” or “yes, it’s simply impossible to talk about something with her.” Such thoughts gradually, as in the case of unfair accusations, take on a scale and become more and more unpleasant for the girl.
As a warning blow, both of you need to be able to compromise, listen and, most importantly, hear each other. In addition, it is necessary to abandon the binding to the negative behavior of the girl.
4 Excessive fantasies
The brain likes to be lazy and instead of straining and coming to logical conclusions, it replaces this work with fantasies. It is much easier to think of something than to understand the issue, wasting time and effort. In addition, knowledge and experience about similar situations often stand between logic and fantasy. For example, your girlfriend does not pick up the phone for a long time. Popular culture says that perhaps right now she is having fun with her lover. Since there are many such cases, she definitely changes. So the answer is ready, which can destroy even harmonious relationships.
As soon as your violent fantasy interferes with the matter - besiege it, force yourself to return to the real world, turn on the logic. If these thoughts are not stopped, they will reinforce more and more false evidence until they lead you to one hundred percent certainty in your point of view.
5 "All or Nothing"
Many couples fall into the trap of extremes, and this gradually worsens the intimacy between people. It's all about the way of thinking, when we see either a 100% positive result, or mediocrity. There is nothing in between. Does she give you as much attention as you want? So all the time that she spends with you is not worth a penny. And so it is in everything, starting with small details like an uncleaned frying pan against the backdrop of a mountain of washed dishes and ending with feelings.
Remember that the world is not perfect, and people even more so. Your girlfriend is exactly the same person who cannot be good at everything and please you according to your fantasies. Show understanding, and in some moments condescension. Even if you don’t like something in her actions, you don’t need to put an end to everything because of one moment.
6 Exaggerating some things and downplaying others
Thoughts about one's own exclusivity and the suppression of a partner have ruined more than one couple. “I’m too good for her” or “what is she without me” are some of the most frequent thoughts with a delayed effect, which gradually belittle the partner more and more, make her feel insecure and uncomfortable.
If such thoughts come into your head about your superiority over a girl and underestimation of her achievements, fight it. Calm down and think logically, is everything really the way your consciousness describes? Most likely, she tries no less, and maybe even more than you. But you, due to the egocentrism inherent in each of us, focus only on your achievements.
7 Commitment mindset
All these “a man must” or “a woman must” separate us, make us angry because of completely insignificant things. Who said that one person owes another if he did not borrow anything from him? Why do certain behaviors and ways of thinking have to correspond to a certain gender, age, and so on?
The best way to prevent quarrels from scratch is to forget that someone owes you something, just like you owe someone. There is no duty in a relationship, there is a desire to take care of a partner, to be his support, to come to the rescue in difficult times. This distinguishes romantic relationships from work relationships and other non-intimate relationships.\є.
Ijaz khan
매그너스9
Juliantes