6 habits that strengthen relationships. Proven by science.

Nothing supernatural, everything is tied to attention and care.

1. Be interested in the affairs of a partner
Finding out what is happening in the partner’s daily life, what he thinks about, is useful for relationships. You can start with a simple “How was your day?”. But an even deeper connection is formed by periodic conversations about thoughts, feelings, fears, and so on.

Dr. John Gotman has studied couples in relationships for over 40 years. He noted K. T. Buehlman, J. M. Gottman, L. F. Katz. How a couple views their past predicts their future: Predicting divorce from an oral history interview / Journal of Family Psychology, that partners who were not interested in each other's affairs or did not respond to the satellite's attempts to initiate communication were more likely to break up.

2. In a quarrel, explain, not blame
Psychologists usually advise using not “you-messages” but “I-messages” in quarrels. That is, not to talk about what the person did wrong, but about how it made you feel. For example, if your partner is often late, it's best not to lash out at them with the phrase "You're always late because you don't care about me." It is more productive to explain: “When you are late, I get upset, it seems to me that our agreements are not important enough for you” or “I get angry when I am waiting for someone, because time is running out that could be spent on something useful.”

Gottman's research confirms this. Relationships work best when partners aren't closed off, defensive, critical, and don't see the fight as a battle that someone has to win. Instead, they listen to each other and discuss what happened.

3. Hold hands
In one of the studies, J. A. Coan, H. S. Schaefer, R. J. Davidson. Lending a Hand: Social Regulation of the Neural Response to Threat / Psychological Science married women were lightly electrocuted. They were asked to experience this moment on their own, holding the hand of a stranger or husband. When the spouse was nearby, the stress from shock was lower, and the effect of this was comparable to pain medication. This was confirmed by a brain scan. Moreover, the happier the couple was, the greater the positive effect of touch.

4. Do nice things for each other
Relationships decide a lot. M. Vowels, R. R. Francois-Walcott, R. E. Perks. Be free together rather than confined together: A qualitative exploration of how relationships changed in the early COVID‑19 pandemic / Journal of Social and Personal Relationships small interactions that delight and allow partners to constantly feel that there is a connection between them. It can be messages with compliments throughout the day, small gifts, rituals in the form of a kiss goodbye - everything that many consider sentimental excesses.

5. Explore new things together
Gaining new experience helps A. Aron, C. C. Norman, E. N. Aron, C. McKenna, R. E. Heyman. Couples’ shared participation in novel and arousing activities and experienced relationship quality / J Pers Soc Psychol refresh relationships. This can be especially important for partners who have been together for a long time and feel like they are beginning to be absorbed by the routine.

6. Be grateful to each other
And show that gratitude. In a series of everyday life it is easy to forget why you once fell in love with a person and how much he does for you. Therefore, it is useful for relationships every day to remind yourself of this and say thank you to your partner.

As studies show S. B. Algoe, S. L. Gable, N. C. Maisel. It’s the little things: Everyday gratitude as a booster shot for romantic relationships / Personal Relationships, grateful couples are more satisfied with their relationship.