3 Steps to Develop Emotional Intelligence in Relationships

The ability to understand emotions and express them correctly is a necessary condition for a strong and harmonious union, including virtual communication on Veronikalove! This idea is expressed by family counselor Ellen Schrier (Ellen Schrier), and at the same time offers three tips for developing emotional intelligence in relationships.

Happy couples face roughly the same problems as unhappy couples, the only difference is how they respond to difficulties, says family counselor Ellen Schreier. Thus, she states, harmonious unions are distinguished from destructive ones by the level of development of emotional intelligence in partners.

In this case, the management of emotions does not mean the manipulation or suppression of negative experiences. On the contrary, avoiding strong emotions can only worsen relationships, and any manipulation can alienate people from each other.

Negative emotions such as anger, fear, or pain are signs of relationship problems. To find the roots of these problems and resolve them, it is necessary to acknowledge, understand and express your feelings without using criticism, guilt or condemnation. This is where emotional intelligence comes in.

Schreier proposes to develop this useful quality in yourself with the help of three steps.

1. Make friends with your feelings
Determine how you feel and what made you feel. This may take time and loneliness. Use them to fully survive the inner storm. Just do not shut yourself off from negative emotions. Remember: they don't determine how good a person you are.

At the same time, try to analyze what provoked your reaction, whether you have experienced something similar before. It is likely that the problem lies not in a specific situation, but in an established pattern of behavior, previously received mental trauma, or something else.

2. Calm down
Negative emotions make it difficult to objectively assess the situation. When you experience them, you may be more critical or defensive than usual. Therefore, before returning to the discussion of the problem, relax your mind and body. Books, music, a walk, meditation, or any other activity that can bring you peace of mind will be good helpers here.

3. (On) return to partner
Once you have acknowledged your feelings and calmed down, you can start a more productive conversation. During it, express your needs in an affirmative but non-aggressive way. Try to listen to your partner without interrupting him. Also try to understand and accept his feelings.

If you feel negative emotions returning, don't provoke or keep the conflict going. Better take another break for reflection.

By resolving problems in this way, partners become allies, not adversaries. They feel that, despite the difficulties and negative emotions, each is trying to maintain this relationship and understand the other. As a result, a positive emotional climate is created in the couple, which is necessary for a feeling of closeness, satisfaction and happiness.

The VeronikaLove! team hopes these tips will help you build your ideal relationship.