3 Pieces of Advice to Find and Keep Your Soulmate in 2023

The world of dating and romance is changing rapidly and it only makes sense to change with it.

For instance, who could have predicted that we would be relying less on chance and more on AI algorithms to find our special someone? Or that we would have to vet our partner thoroughly for ‘red flags’ and ‘toxicity’ before locking them down?

To stay current, it’s important to listen to the experts. Here are four research-backed pieces of relationship and partnering advice to keep in mind when partnering in 2023.

1. Craft your best dating profile

When it comes to online dating, the experts’ verdict is unanimous—an authentic and high-quality dating profile is your holy grail. Fortunately, it isn’t all that complicated to create one. Three simple but effective tips to optimize your dating profile:

1. Invest in high-quality pictures. We underestimate the value of having quality pictures that show off our best features. Since looks are the first thing that potential suitors notice, it’s important to put your best foot forward.
2. Market yourself well. Don’t let the app prompts dictate how you curate your life and personality on your profile. Consider what you would want your potential partner to know about you. Be original.
3. Don’t let it get to you. Failure at finding matches is not a reflection of your value as a partner. It just means you need to reassess and explore a different direction—like trying out a new app, revamping your profile, or getting professional help.

2. Find an intellectual match

We often overvalue appearance, material success, and social prestige in potential partners. While these factors do play a role in determining compatibility, they generally don’t matter as much as factors such as intellectual compatibility.

According to the dating app Seeking, relationships rooted in intellectual connections tend to last longer. Most men and women consider attractiveness a relevant factor for a short-term partner and intelligence a desirable quality for long-term relationships.

Finding your intellectual match can ensure that your relationship has high-quality communication and is conducive to your growth as an individual.

“Intelligence does not fade like looks,” explains dating expert Emma Hathorn. “Conversations are more interesting with a partner whose mind fascinates you. To feel fulfilled by even a mundane chat is an expansive and satisfying experience for anybody and can turn your day-to-day into something extraordinary.”

Here’s how you can go about finding your intellectual match:

1. Don’t just rely on indicators like degrees or a cushy job. Find someone who actually matches your wavelength. The time and effort you invest in finding someone who can keep up with you will be well worth the effort.
2. Dig deep into like-minded communities. Get specific about what you are looking for, reconnect with your college circle, or try joining an interesting club or community of your choice. When looking for something specific, casting a wide net might actually be counterproductive.
3. Use technology to your advantage. Move away from a general approach and get up close and personal with your dating app profile. Be original, authentic, and give clear signals about what you are looking for in a partner.

3. Mindfulness can unlock your relationship’s potential

We often limit the potential of mindfulness to our meditation practices or mental well-being. However, according to research, a mindful approach can enhance our romantic life.

Therapist Tasha Seiter explains that being in an interpersonally and sexually mindful relationship with your partner can create a positive "giving" feedback loop in your relationship. Her research describes five elements of a mindful relationship:

1. Presence
2. Emotional awareness
3. Non-reactivity in conflict
4. Compassion for your partner
5. Compassion for yourself

Developing these qualities within yourself and your relationship takes effort, time, and trust. Here are a few ways you can increase the level of mindfulness in your relationship:

1. Tune in. Spending time with your partner should not be a passive exercise. Being present requires you to lean in, get curious, and be completely open and vulnerable with them as well.
2. Develop emotional awareness with your partner. Trying to sit with and understand your partner’s feelings is generally better than trying to resolve them or move past them. Not giving your emotional states the attention they deserve can lead to issues in the future.
3. Cultivate acceptance and compassion in your relationship. Even the best relationships go through rough patches. Developing a foundation of compassion and understanding can ensure that no matter what happens, your partner will know that you are on the same team.