When we seek advice about relationships, we may hear something like, “Just be yourself and everything will work out.” On an intuitive level, it sounds plausible. Being sincere, open, and honest is, it would seem, the best way to find the right partner.
However, the phrase “Be yourself” requires some clarification. What exactly does this mean? How does it reflect in behavior? What type of partners find it attractive? What kind of relationships is all this suitable for? Psychologists decided to figure it out and came to some interesting conclusions.
What does it mean to be yourself in a relationship
In search of an answer to this question, specialists from Adelphi University (USA) and the University of Western Sydney (Australia) conducted a series of studies. They studied the importance of authenticity for a long-term strategy for finding romantic partners. In psychology and psychotherapy, this is the name given to a person’s ability to abandon social roles in communication and be themselves, showing their true feelings and thoughts. To assess its role, scientists used a special scale that determines authenticity-driven behavior in relationships based on two factors:
1) Unacceptability of deception. People who have this quality are not ready to put up with deception from others and do not mislead their partner.
2) Willingness to take risks. Such people are more interested in intimate self-disclosure, willingly do it and are not afraid to take risks with a partner.
The study found that participants who avoided deception and had the courage to be themselves, as a rule, turned out to be good romantic partners, especially for long-term relationships.
Participants with less pronounced authenticity in their approach to finding a partner were divided into two groups. One group included deceivers with the characteristics of the "dark triad" - narcissism, Machiavellianism and psychopathy. Under the influence of these personality traits, they manipulated others.
The second group included study participants who were unable to open up to their partner due to fear of rejection and attachment issues. That is, they did not use manipulation, but were worried and afraid to show their true selves. However, with some preparation and support, such people can be motivated to be more authentic and successfully build long-term relationships.
Dating with serious intentions
During such meetings, people who are characterized by authenticity choose more emotionally intimate behavior. They still flirt and focus on humor and laughter. At the same time, they make an effort to move from casual communication to real dates, regular calls and correspondence with a potential partner.
People who are authentic dress more informally and do not use makeup. They focus on honestly showing their individuality and getting to know the other person better.
Serious relationships
For this situation, participants provided the most detailed list of behavior patterns. As with serious dating, authentic people focus on honesty, dress casually, flirt a little, and go on dates.
They also take intimacy and commitment a step further. Specifically, they spend more time with their partner and invite them to family celebrations and vacations. They also discuss future plans and relationship goals, such as marriage.
How to Be Yourself When Looking for a Partner
Given the research, authenticity is indeed a successful strategy for finding the right partner, especially if you want a long-term relationship. The challenge may be learning to be yourself and dealing with the anxiety of revealing your true self. Here's what can help.
Be Brave
Many people have had bad experiences and fears about relationships. This anxiety often gets in the way of being authentic. But you can try to rethink negative attitudes and learn to deal with rejection. This will allow you to open up, build trust, and freely express interest in your partner.
Be Positive
Here, “being yourself” connects with “trying to make the best impression.” Sharing something unique about yourself or showing off your positive qualities will make you more attractive and create long-term attraction.
Be Honest
Being honest about what you want and what you have to offer is a hallmark of people who rely on authenticity when searching for a partner. When you are open about your needs, you increase your chances of getting a good result. Openness creates intimacy in a relationship. That’s why direct and sincere flirting leads to long-term success and satisfaction.
Ijaz khan
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