Communication is the process of exchanging information, thoughts, and feelings between people through conversation, writing, or body language. Effective communication expands the concept by requiring that the content being communicated be received and understood by someone in the way it was intended.
1. Refrain from criticism.
So much communication involves insults and highlighting what someone is doing wrong. The end result of such auditory attacks? Protective partner and, eventually, the end of the relationship.
Instead of being critical, focus on positive reinforcement of what your partner is doing right and offer constructive criticism when it comes to things that could be improved.
2. Stick to your statements.
What you want to say will be more powerful and, hopefully, better heard if you back it up with an "I" statement (eg, "I feel sad when you..."). By taking responsibility for your feelings and points of view, you will be able to find better solutions. This will hear you better. Even if your partner doesn't agree with you or doesn't understand your point of view, he or she can't blame you for how you feel.
3. Be prepared to receive feedback.
Communication should be a two-way street. If you expect your partner to listen to you, you need to make yourself vulnerable to any reaction, especially to having to think about what you just said. Remember that there are three sides to any relationship issue: your point of view, your partner's point of view, and the truth. You are a part of what is happening and you need to be open and available to how your partner sees the issues, including your role.
4. Be present and participate.
Don't worry about what you're going to say or how you're going to react during casual or critical conversations with your partner. Just listen and give non-verbal signals that you're really busy, like nodding your head and maintaining eye contact.
Demonstrate that you are really listening by reflecting on the following: Do I fully understand you? Can I hear you clearly? Similarly, acknowledge your partner's feelings: I'm sorry to hear that you're so angry, or I understand why you're so upset. If you're at a loss for words or have nothing to say, a simple phrase like "Thank you for sharing" can be incredibly effective.
5. Give yourself time out when needed.
Some conversations can be tense, and sometimes it's better to say nothing at all. However, this does not mean that you should simply stop solving this problem. Know that it's okay to say, "Can I get back to you? I need to think about it,” because the partner must understand that you need time to think everything over. However, be sure to return to the conversation at the appropriate time and within a reasonable amount of time.
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